Today has been a day of revelations (pun intended).
Let me start at the beginning:
I have a rocky relationship with God.
I have experienced bouts of agnosticism & non-believing. I have watched my sister stand in a church full of people, moved to tears as the Holy Spirit moved her, and longed to know what being so close to God feels like. And, I have been through things that left me wondering, “What God would let these events transpire?” When I was 15 years old, I had a boyfriend who tried to shove Christianity down my throat, in turn pushing me further from it. But through all that, in the back of my mind, I had yearning to have religion in my life. I just never felt comfortable with it. Church and talking about God made me itch. Every time my ex would give me a hard time about not wanting to go to church Sundays or Youth Group Wednesdays, I always told him that a relationship with God wasn’t something that I could do just because someone wanted me to; I had to do it on my own terms.
Flash forward May 2, 2010:
In the days leading up to this Sunday, I randomly decided that I should go to church since I had the day off from work. Today was the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in a Church. During the sermon, the pastor invited audience members to take a piece of poster board and write how their lives were before they found Christ on the front & how their lives had changed after they invited religion into their lives on the back. The submissions were incredibly moving. They varied greatly from simply “ Selfish & Depressed (front)-- Selfless & Happy (back)” to “I asked God to let me die (front)—He said NO and gave me new life (back),” I couldn’t hold my tears back. It just made me realize that believing wholly in Christ has the power to turn your life around 180 degrees. My own life has been lacking something for ages. Something I could never quite put a finger on, but perhaps this has been it all along. If nothing else, I know that building a relationship with Christ (from the ground up) will make me a better person. And if that’s all I get from it, that’s more than enough.
I’m finally ready.
BRITTANY!!!!!!! i totally cried at the signs too! i thought i was just being a baby
ReplyDeletebut for real brittany this is a really touching post... for real. i just really want you to know that we are all here to be your community and be here for you in this decision. all of us, myself included, really care a lot about you, even as i type this i debate how cliche it really sounds but i think sometimes thats really the only way to do it, and i want you to know that i and any one of us will do our best to partner with you
okay thats all i don't want matt to get jealous haha
however i want you to know: this comment will stand forever!
Awww, thanks for the support Patrick! And even though it's cliche to say, it really means so much. & also, I really think we're twins. We cry at all the same stuff, lol.
ReplyDeleteI feel that those who are constantly shoving Jesus or religion down people's throats often discourage the reality that having a relationship with God is one that allows us to be heartbreakingly honest and apprehensive (especially if religion is something that has turned us off or hurt us in the past). If anything, I truly believe that all God really wants is our honest opinion about how we feel about him - and from there, our journey of redemption and growth begins as we learn to ask questions and seek truth.
ReplyDeleteIn short, I really enjoyed Sunday's church service, all of the crazy analogies, and the fact that the phrase "boom, shaka, laka" was used. :]
also, Patrick used the words real/really 6 times in one comment!
ReplyDeletesorry it's taken me a ridiculous amount of time to respond to this comment. I've haven't looked a blogger in a suuuper long time!
ReplyDeleteBut I totally agree with you about how in-your-face-christians/religiousites can discourage people from forming relationships with God.
I think it's funny how God works. I was talking to another guy who was completely doubtful about religion before I got with Matt. I honestly don't know where I'd be if it weren't for Matt. I'd still be in some weird agnostic state of mind. Moving to San Antonio & being around people --really good, nice, non-weird people--who are comfortable with with religion really opened my eyes and made me see that it's not such a bad thing.